Speech and Conflict

Discords and quarrels among people are very common and to some extent, they add to the beauty of the life. You can experience these things anytime anywhere whether it is your house, office, college, mosque or church. Difference of opinion is not a bad thing but when you start speaking ill of someone, he will definitely reply in the same manner and situation will get hostile. The continuous ill feelings about each other can result in lasting and sever antagonism which is destructive not only for both parties but also for their families, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and society in general.

 

Allah Says in Holy Quran,

“And say to My servants to speak only what is best: For Shaytan does sow dissension among them: for Shaytan is openly an enemy to people.” (Verse 53: Chapter 17)

In this verse, Allah Almighty orders human beings to always use best possible worlds if you they want to strengthen their relationship with each other. This will also encourage others to help you fulfilling your life purpose of achieving your goals. The purpose can be anything from raising your family to establishing a new business and its success greatly depends upon how you behave with other people and vice versa. It is the duty of everyone to keep suspicion against others at bay and avoid things that can give rise to frictions among the people to create a harmonious and peaceful society.

Allah also orders humans to avoid backbiting as it is like eating the flesh of your deceased brother. But, what if someone is actually involved in evil practices and he is doing irreparable harm to someone. Should we talk about such persons to others or discuss them in public? In Islam, condemning, blaming and accusing such persons and calling them names is not an option. This will make them defensive, they will internalise their anger and provoke a sense of revenge among them.

A wise person will always find others ways to mend the situation. For instance, you can have a constructive and friendly dialogue with them to understand their motives and bring them back to the right path. However, it is really cumbersome to approach others in constructive manner and it doesn’t yield results as quickly as you expect but the ultimate result is always a positive one. On the contrary, you will inflict serious long term damage to yourself by giving vent to your anger and accusing others rightly or falsely.

The abovementioned verse also advices us to speak carefully because every word we speak has its own consequences. When you speak with others, choose better and polite words and your relationship will gradually but surely start changing forever. In fact, your words are one of the most potent weapons in the world which can turn someone in favour or against you within a matter of seconds. It is in your own hands as how you want other people to look at you.

This verse also mentions another tendency which humans have that is to see look down upon people and see them less than they actually are. According to this verse, this tendency comes from Shaytan (Satan) who is the worst enemy of human beings. He tends to make people lazy and it is easy and lazy to suspect others, blame them and find faults with them. On the other hand, it is duty of every individual to defeat Satan by discovering divine traits such as forgiveness, magnanimity, compassion, generosity and courage which are embedded in human nature.

It should also be the purpose of your life to help other people discover these dormant qualities. You need to realise that everyone whether his actions are good or bad, acts to best of his knowledge and according to what he thinks is possible. You can help them by thinking positively and ascribing best to them in your talks, thoughts and conversations.

Self destruction is also the result of undermining your own abilities and looking down upon and thinking negatively about yourself. Again, you can rectify this mistake by speaking best possible words for yourself, placing confidence in your abilities and most importantly, having strong faith in Allah that he will help you in all circumstances whether favourable or adverse.

You can totally change your life if you manage to understand the essence of this verse and start acting accordingly. However, it takes a lot of effort, determination and courage to benefit from this verse. Thinking or knowing about the benefits of good speech is not enough but you have to actually mend your talking habits. You have to pay attention to the way you think and speak. You have to find new words which better describe yourself and others. It is also imperative to discard the tendency of thinking evil about everyone including yourself. This will definitely take a lot of time and effort but the end result will be extremely fruitful.

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